NaNoWriMo 2017

Writing to me, is something that I enjoy doing. Both with a pen and paper, and using a computer and keyboard. NaNoWriMo is something I have attempted for the past couple of years, most successfully in 2016 and 2017. All of my attempts failed due to a decline in my mental health. For example, I was extremely run down with work, and knowing that November was going to be a busy month, that I was too poorly to write for the first four (4) days of the month.

NaNoWriMo is such a wonderful idea and I think that when it comes to getting people writing, it is extremely successful. However, if you are unable to participate, or stop participating, you are still a writer. If you cannot write 1667 words a day, you are still a writer. If you cannot write 50,000 words in 30 days, you are still a writer.

Writing should not impact your mental health in any way. Doing something you want to do, should be a positive thing, and being unable to participate in an event, when there are 11 other months in the year, is not something that should get you down.

If it does, then stop. In 2016 my boyfriend made me stop, and this year I decided that I was going to stop by myself, because it just was not worth it. I do have a story in me, like many of you I imagine, but it will come out of me eventually. Most likely over a period of longer than 30 days.

I am waving with my pom-poms for everyone still writing, and I am proud of everyone who has kept at it/ given it a go/ decided it was not for them etc. Feel free to get in touch and let me know what you think!

Peace x

26 things I have learnt in my 26 years on Earth

  1. You are never too old for Harry Potter
  2. Tea does not taste any different if you add the milk before or after the water
  3. You cannot please everyone in life, so eat that avocado (I don’t like avocados).
  4. My cats are my world
  5. I am a woman and I do not want kids, and that is okay
  6. smear tests are incredibly uncomfortable but completely necessary
  7. I will never have enough books
  8. Teddy-bears are essential, and have feelings
  9. I would be happy if I never had to leave the house ever again
  10. Making your own cake/cookies means there are no calories if you eat them
  11. Not liking/wanting sex is completely normal
  12. Check those boobs. You never know when it’ll save your life
  13. Blankets. I am a blanket whore
  14. Make tea in bulk (in a flask, thermos, whatever) as it will save so much time
  15. Friends met online are real.
  16. I am panromantic asexual, and my sexuality is valid
  17. Autumn is my favourite season
  18. Rain is my favourite weather when I don’t have to work
  19. Cake can be eaten at any time
  20. You are never too young to fangirl
  21. Read what you want, not what you should
  22. Education is better when you get older
  23. The teen years are the worst years of your life. But life does get better when you also get through your 20s (or I am hoping so anyway…)
  24. Tattoos and dyed hair will not stop you getting that job
  25. Money can definitely buy happiness, and if anyone tells you it can’t has never lived without it.
  26. YOU CAN NOT BE RACIST TO WHITE PEOPLE, OR SEXIST TO MEN

It is November 14th and today I turn 26. I hope you enjoyed my mini life tips/hints or whatever.

Let me know what you’ve learned, as I would love to made a big bloggers list ❤

 

Pre-YALC and YALC day 1

Okay, so yesterday (thursday) I arrived in London, and at first I didn’t think I would be able to do this; be in London on my own, as I had a panic attack before getting on the tube from Euston because there were people everywhere. But I eventually told myself I just had to go up an escalator, and after that, I knew I could do it. Also, why are escalators so high up? like major anxiety about falling forward/backwards. The underground wasn’t made for people with anxiety. Add to that the potential anxiety that comes from being underground (roof caving in, out-of-control trains etc etc.)

However, I made it to the hotel safely and honestly felt so glad I made it after all. Thursday involved a trip to Camden, and then to china town with Lauren, Amy, and Becky, and I really have missed these girls! (Plus Lauren’s boyfriend). The chinese food was good despite taking ages to find a buffet! In the end we went to Hong Kong Buffet!

YALC DAY ONE – FRIDAY 28TH JULY

Today was so so so busy – from getting to the arena early-ish, to running after ARCs, I am definitely going to have sore feet for a while after. But from the moment I left the hotel, I felt happy; happy to be amongst fellow book lovers like myself! And today, everyone was so so friendly, and started conversations easily. It was such a good experience, and I was so glad to get the 3 day ticket!

Our plans didn’t turn out how we had thought, as we planned for talks, but that didn’t happen. Plus we made a new friend – Lauren! (A different Lauren) She is so lovely and we wandered round the stalls this morning, pretty much talking like old friends. There was plenty of room to sit around, with beanbags in one area, which were surprisingly difficult to get out of…

These are some of my favourite pictures from today:

I am already dreading the train back home, as I am wondering where everything is going to fit…

These are some of the amazing authors I met today; Laura Lam, Karen M McManus, Samantha Shannon, Lauren James, and Alwyn Hamilton.

But here are the goodies I got today!

ARCs – Samplers – Badges/Swag – Bags – Postcards/Notecards/Bookmarks

I am really excited to find out what tomorrow brings!

To be continued…

Let’s Talk About Mental Health

I’ve seen a lot of talk on Twitter about making Mental Health issues a more discussed subject, and I would like to talk about my issues. There will be a mention of self-harm, suicide, death, and negative thoughts, so please be careful when reading.

My mental health deteriorated when I lost my best friend. Well, not lost, because he died, but it felt like there was a hole in my chest, and that a part of me was missing. Tosh was my best friend, and we told each other everything. Add to that, I was studying for my AS Level exams, which I ended up failing, and retaking the year.

As a 17 year old teenager with the stress of failing exams and losing a friend, it seemed like the end of the world. This was the main point when I felt my mental health change. I had dealt with bullying all throughout school, which affected me as well, but not as much as that. There was also a moment with mygrandfather. I was going to eat a kitkat and he said that if I ate that I would get fat. I was relatively young at the time, and that comment still affects me.

I started self-harming. I felt like that would be the best release. If I could get everything out of my system, then I would be okay. Little did I know, it just kept building up. I made up a plan to commit suicide. I didn’t want to be alive any more.

Eventually these moods changed, and I was okay for the next 2 years. Then came the death of Ben, and I was heartbroken. That was the tipping point which has caused this ball of anxiety to stay with me. Ben was my cat, and he meant the world to me. He was put down, and I was at university, unable to say goodbye. I guess everything stems from the fear that everyone I love will disappear eventually.

Changes in circumstance causes me to become very anxious and there is a possibility that I will hurt myself. The anxiety is there constantly, when it is loudest it is telling me that I am an embarassment. A fat embarassment who doesn’t deserve anyone.

Most of the times it is a whisper.

“They are watching you”

“You can’t eat THAT in public”

It’s someone reminding me of all those things I’ve done in the past. It’s someone telling me that I can’t go outside because people are judging me. I can’t eat in public because people will stare at me, checking to make sure what I’m eating.

Anxiety isn’t cute. It is not wanting to leave the house because people are out there. It’s someone making you feel terrible for waking up. It’s thoughts that you’re not good enough to do anything.

However, I have had counselling twice, and I am on medication. The bad days aren’t that bad, but it’s something I never know about until I wake up. But it’s something we need to talk about more.