NaNoWriMo 2017

Writing to me, is something that I enjoy doing. Both with a pen and paper, and using a computer and keyboard. NaNoWriMo is something I have attempted for the past couple of years, most successfully in 2016 and 2017. All of my attempts failed due to a decline in my mental health. For example, I was extremely run down with work, and knowing that November was going to be a busy month, that I was too poorly to write for the first four (4) days of the month.

NaNoWriMo is such a wonderful idea and I think that when it comes to getting people writing, it is extremely successful. However, if you are unable to participate, or stop participating, you are still a writer. If you cannot write 1667 words a day, you are still a writer. If you cannot write 50,000 words in 30 days, you are still a writer.

Writing should not impact your mental health in any way. Doing something you want to do, should be a positive thing, and being unable to participate in an event, when there are 11 other months in the year, is not something that should get you down.

If it does, then stop. In 2016 my boyfriend made me stop, and this year I decided that I was going to stop by myself, because it just was not worth it. I do have a story in me, like many of you I imagine, but it will come out of me eventually. Most likely over a period of longer than 30 days.

I am waving with my pom-poms for everyone still writing, and I am proud of everyone who has kept at it/ given it a go/ decided it was not for them etc. Feel free to get in touch and let me know what you think!

Peace x

26 things I have learnt in my 26 years on Earth

  1. You are never too old for Harry Potter
  2. Tea does not taste any different if you add the milk before or after the water
  3. You cannot please everyone in life, so eat that avocado (I don’t like avocados).
  4. My cats are my world
  5. I am a woman and I do not want kids, and that is okay
  6. smear tests are incredibly uncomfortable but completely necessary
  7. I will never have enough books
  8. Teddy-bears are essential, and have feelings
  9. I would be happy if I never had to leave the house ever again
  10. Making your own cake/cookies means there are no calories if you eat them
  11. Not liking/wanting sex is completely normal
  12. Check those boobs. You never know when it’ll save your life
  13. Blankets. I am a blanket whore
  14. Make tea in bulk (in a flask, thermos, whatever) as it will save so much time
  15. Friends met online are real.
  16. I am panromantic asexual, and my sexuality is valid
  17. Autumn is my favourite season
  18. Rain is my favourite weather when I don’t have to work
  19. Cake can be eaten at any time
  20. You are never too young to fangirl
  21. Read what you want, not what you should
  22. Education is better when you get older
  23. The teen years are the worst years of your life. But life does get better when you also get through your 20s (or I am hoping so anyway…)
  24. Tattoos and dyed hair will not stop you getting that job
  25. Money can definitely buy happiness, and if anyone tells you it can’t has never lived without it.

It is November 14th and today I turn 26. I hope you enjoyed my mini life tips/hints or whatever.

Let me know what you’ve learned, as I would love to made a big bloggers list ❤


Yes, let’s talk stress!

I’ve had a pretty busy month. I’ve been completing uni assignments (two more and then I’ve finished year 1!), preparing and attending YALC (as well as trying my best to cope with London transport/people), and then returning to work, finishing this week with a week of CAMHS training.

For those who don’t know, CAMHS is the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, and I help teenagers get better mentally. The past week has been very interesting, but very long, as I was in work the friday, saturday, and sunday beforehand, and I am just looking forward to a day off really. Training has made us think about the past of our kids, potential personality disorders (PDs), transgender issues, eating disorders, and so many other topics that I wanted to do another week of training. The instructor was also so interesting and got all of us involved, but I am however looking forward to getting back to normal.

What I do find difficult, as I have been so so so run-down and exhausted with appointments and socialising, and all the stuff that I’ve mentioned previously, that if it wasn’t for my medication I would probably have spent the last week in bed recovering. Honestly, I don’t know how I’ve kept going, but cancelling plans for next week so that I can actually get some alone time is the best decision I’ve made so far.

When you’re depressed or struggling, or just feel stressed because you have a lot on, everyone is quick to offer tips to reduce stress. Like going for a walk or drinking water, or taking some time to meditate, but what they don’t do is tell you how to fit everything in.

Let’s take last week for example (31st July to 6th August)

Monday I spent the entire day completing my university assignment

Tuesday I was working 7:00am-7:30pm (not getting out on time…)

Wednesday I woke up about 11ish and then left the house to go and have coffee with my friend (travelling 2ish hours to bury) and then went to Manchester for a book signing, not getting back until late

Thursday there was the meeting with the bank at 9:30 and then cleaning the house for the landlord coming round and introducing himself (which we didnt stop until early afternoon) with a tesco shop arriving between 4-5

Friday I was on training, finished about 4, then went to collect my prescription from bolton and made my way back to Bury when Andrew picked me up around 6ish

Saturday + Sunday I was working 7:00am-7:30pm (not getting out on time…)

Monday – Friday (this week) ending training at 4:00pmish and getting home just after 6:00pmish.

Tomorrow we will be tidying the house in the morning because the house is needing some TLC as neither of us have had the spoons to do the dishes, do washing, tidy up (AM is pretty good as he sorts out the food etc). I would love to finish writing/editing my book, but I don’t have the spoons. I would love to start knitting, but again, spoons. There is so much I feel like I am missing out on because I don’t have the energy, time, or spoons. I am just so very tired.

So, if anyone can tell me where I can incorporate all these “self-care” techniques and ways to reduce stress, that would be excellent, because apart from reading my book on the bus home, or for my break when I’m on shift, there are no real methods I have. I know people say it in a joking way, but I honestly feel like a permanently exhausted pigeon who keeps getting made to fly but doesn’t have the energy. Plus my boyfriends ex girlfriend has managed to find him on twitter, and it’s like, I’m so unbelievably comfortable in my relationship but the autistic spoons I need to use to understand her stalkerish behaviour makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Just?!?!?!WHY?!?!?!

To end on a positive note, I nearly missed my bus stop the other day because I am finally on CoHF (yay for finding the matching cover/size!) and I am not ready. Some really sick part of me wants to see Simon and Jace together, and Magnus and Alec together, and Maia and Clary together. I just want them all to be gay and happy. It was kind of awkward though, because the day after, there was a scene between two of the male characters and there was this old lady sat next to me, and I was wondering what she would think if she ended up reading my book on the sly. (No judgement here, as I’m always checking out other people’s books’)


Moving has happened and we are back to having wifi! I am so glad that we have all managed to stick together, as being apart from my babes just wasn’t an option. I have also started the induction for my new job, and I am loving it! I went to the ward I was going to be working on and everyone (staff and some patients) seem lovely and I just need to get this MAPA training out the way and then I can get stuck in! My only sticky point is the travelling, but it is almost 2 hours where I am able to read, and I have powered through books these past two weeks.

Anyway, let’s get down to business (to defeat, the huns). so it is almost a month until YALC and I am completely unprepared. I haven’t read any of the books that I wanted to because I have stupidly started the mortal instruments series (however I am on book 4, and should be on book 5 by the end of today at least due to it finally raining!!! woo. Autumn baby and proud!).

I have made a list of all the authors I would like to meet, as well as those who are my top priority. I am looking forward to having a meet up with three special ladies whom I am YALC-ing with (Lauren, Amy and Bec), as well as hopefully meeting lots of other YALC bloggers.

I have made a list of everything that I will be taking; such as:

a variety of clothing e.g. summer, winter etc, as well as comfy as sin pajamas, because you’d be stupid if you thought I wasn’t going to have a lazy PJ day at one point.

books I want signed; series I want signed

camera, laptop etc

meds and toiletries

comfy shoes

I will be booking my train when I get paid at the end of this month, so will be having a variety of tickets, and hotel booking stuff

travel plans; a list of buses and underground trains

shops I want to visit while I am there e.g. indie book shops, quirky shops etc.

places I want to visit e.g. kew gardens and maybe some wiccan places too etc.

a notebook for writing vibes due to my wip being based around that area of London, and one for mental self-care due to being on my own and stuff

Spotty, my number 1

and probably a lot of other stuff as well, so I will be taking a small suitcase as well as a number of bags. Definitely going to feel like I am travelling for more than 4 nights (5 days).

I am however extremely excited to be meeting Laini Taylor again, as well as Mel Salisbury, and I am most excited to be out in the world on my own. My anxiety disorder has sort of kept me close to home and close to my boyfriend, and I honestly feel like this trip is me sticking my middle finger up at it.

no doubt I will be posting here more frequently due to internet, and if you are going to YALC, you should definitely drop by and say hi!


Stay safe x





Let’s Talk About Mental Health

I’ve seen a lot of talk on Twitter about making Mental Health issues a more discussed subject, and I would like to talk about my issues. There will be a mention of self-harm, suicide, death, and negative thoughts, so please be careful when reading.

My mental health deteriorated when I lost my best friend. Well, not lost, because he died, but it felt like there was a hole in my chest, and that a part of me was missing. Tosh was my best friend, and we told each other everything. Add to that, I was studying for my AS Level exams, which I ended up failing, and retaking the year.

As a 17 year old teenager with the stress of failing exams and losing a friend, it seemed like the end of the world. This was the main point when I felt my mental health change. I had dealt with bullying all throughout school, which affected me as well, but not as much as that. There was also a moment with mygrandfather. I was going to eat a kitkat and he said that if I ate that I would get fat. I was relatively young at the time, and that comment still affects me.

I started self-harming. I felt like that would be the best release. If I could get everything out of my system, then I would be okay. Little did I know, it just kept building up. I made up a plan to commit suicide. I didn’t want to be alive any more.

Eventually these moods changed, and I was okay for the next 2 years. Then came the death of Ben, and I was heartbroken. That was the tipping point which has caused this ball of anxiety to stay with me. Ben was my cat, and he meant the world to me. He was put down, and I was at university, unable to say goodbye. I guess everything stems from the fear that everyone I love will disappear eventually.

Changes in circumstance causes me to become very anxious and there is a possibility that I will hurt myself. The anxiety is there constantly, when it is loudest it is telling me that I am an embarassment. A fat embarassment who doesn’t deserve anyone.

Most of the times it is a whisper.

“They are watching you”

“You can’t eat THAT in public”

It’s someone reminding me of all those things I’ve done in the past. It’s someone telling me that I can’t go outside because people are judging me. I can’t eat in public because people will stare at me, checking to make sure what I’m eating.

Anxiety isn’t cute. It is not wanting to leave the house because people are out there. It’s someone making you feel terrible for waking up. It’s thoughts that you’re not good enough to do anything.

However, I have had counselling twice, and I am on medication. The bad days aren’t that bad, but it’s something I never know about until I wake up. But it’s something we need to talk about more.