I’ve had a pretty busy month. I’ve been completing uni assignments (two more and then I’ve finished year 1!), preparing and attending YALC (as well as trying my best to cope with London transport/people), and then returning to work, finishing this week with a week of CAMHS training.
For those who don’t know, CAMHS is the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, and I help teenagers get better mentally. The past week has been very interesting, but very long, as I was in work the friday, saturday, and sunday beforehand, and I am just looking forward to a day off really. Training has made us think about the past of our kids, potential personality disorders (PDs), transgender issues, eating disorders, and so many other topics that I wanted to do another week of training. The instructor was also so interesting and got all of us involved, but I am however looking forward to getting back to normal.
What I do find difficult, as I have been so so so run-down and exhausted with appointments and socialising, and all the stuff that I’ve mentioned previously, that if it wasn’t for my medication I would probably have spent the last week in bed recovering. Honestly, I don’t know how I’ve kept going, but cancelling plans for next week so that I can actually get some alone time is the best decision I’ve made so far.
When you’re depressed or struggling, or just feel stressed because you have a lot on, everyone is quick to offer tips to reduce stress. Like going for a walk or drinking water, or taking some time to meditate, but what they don’t do is tell you how to fit everything in.
Let’s take last week for example (31st July to 6th August)
Monday I spent the entire day completing my university assignment
Tuesday I was working 7:00am-7:30pm (not getting out on time…)
Wednesday I woke up about 11ish and then left the house to go and have coffee with my friend (travelling 2ish hours to bury) and then went to Manchester for a book signing, not getting back until late
Thursday there was the meeting with the bank at 9:30 and then cleaning the house for the landlord coming round and introducing himself (which we didnt stop until early afternoon) with a tesco shop arriving between 4-5
Friday I was on training, finished about 4, then went to collect my prescription from bolton and made my way back to Bury when Andrew picked me up around 6ish
Saturday + Sunday I was working 7:00am-7:30pm (not getting out on time…)
Monday – Friday (this week) ending training at 4:00pmish and getting home just after 6:00pmish.
Tomorrow we will be tidying the house in the morning because the house is needing some TLC as neither of us have had the spoons to do the dishes, do washing, tidy up (AM is pretty good as he sorts out the food etc). I would love to finish writing/editing my book, but I don’t have the spoons. I would love to start knitting, but again, spoons. There is so much I feel like I am missing out on because I don’t have the energy, time, or spoons. I am just so very tired.
So, if anyone can tell me where I can incorporate all these “self-care” techniques and ways to reduce stress, that would be excellent, because apart from reading my book on the bus home, or for my break when I’m on shift, there are no real methods I have. I know people say it in a joking way, but I honestly feel like a permanently exhausted pigeon who keeps getting made to fly but doesn’t have the energy. Plus my boyfriends ex girlfriend has managed to find him on twitter, and it’s like, I’m so unbelievably comfortable in my relationship but the autistic spoons I need to use to understand her stalkerish behaviour makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Just?!?!?!WHY?!?!?!
To end on a positive note, I nearly missed my bus stop the other day because I am finally on CoHF (yay for finding the matching cover/size!) and I am not ready. Some really sick part of me wants to see Simon and Jace together, and Magnus and Alec together, and Maia and Clary together. I just want them all to be gay and happy. It was kind of awkward though, because the day after, there was a scene between two of the male characters and there was this old lady sat next to me, and I was wondering what she would think if she ended up reading my book on the sly. (No judgement here, as I’m always checking out other people’s books’)